fogparty

20 mile check-up...

my foot pain caused me to limp pretty much all weekend.  however... it was strange that at times it was so painful to walk... and at others... hardly noticeable.

talking with some running friends... i got input from "go see the doc" to... just keep running.

knowing that i really needed new shoes... i decided to go ahead and bite the bullet.  just trying them on made me realize how badly i needed them.  so... since today was supposed to be my 20 mile run... and since the pain seemed to be subsiding... i decided to go for it with the new shoes... even if it would cost be a blister or two.

all i can say is... i made it.  times are still way too slow... but i should finish with some time left over.  hopefully...

running 20 miles takes a looooong time!  but... it just so happened that beth and emma are in memphis at st. jude for emma's check-up... so there was plenty of time to thank G*D for our health and many blessing... surrender my family... and submit our future to him... as i offer up my desires.

it will be a full day of testing... but they'll be home tomorrow night... hopefully with another great report.

it's less than 4 weeks to the chicago... which i'm doing for the kids of st. jude.

26.2... bring it on!

syncronize...

if you've been reading this lately (and thankfully many more read it than the number of comments would suggest...) you know that i'm kind of on a quest to rework how i approach ministry and leadership. and i think this past week kind of put it to the test... results still yet to be determined. but... i feel good about the journey thus far.

we had our first meeting down at nomad bookhouse for a newly forming team that's going to work with me to address some issues facing an overseas community. we want to choose an agency with whom we can develop a lasting relationship to tangibly and significantly help impact that community. so... common issues that surface are... poverty... aids... education... clean water... orphans... awareness of Jesus... but the list could be endless. over the years i've had this growing desire for us to do something powerful... and since dave and john are on the same page... the time seems ripe... ...enter this new team (stage right).

but here's how G*D used our first meeting...

this summer a group of aids orphans from uganda performed at westwinds... and... well my heart was captured. several families already have been supporting their agency (aoet) which does an incredible job of helping these kids, their families and the entire community... but in a very grass roots way that G*D has blessed almost unbelievably. yet... they still don't even have one church who has partnered with them. ...orchestra swells creating sense of deep passion... then shifts to ominous mood...

i'm a huge believer in doing things in teams. even decision making. i believe the process values people... and if done well... gives space for us to sense the movement of G*D. so... when i decided to let this new team join me on the journey to select the agency with whom we'd work... it was consistent with my leadership philosophy. and... as would be expected... people came with several ideas for people we could partner with overseas.

but this is when the mood changed. after a great meeting... i was wrestling with something. and after considerably struggle... i realized that what i really wanted was to lead the group to choose aoet as the agency of choice. i was feeling threatened by the possibility of "us" coming up with a different choice. and... this led to my wondering if i had given away something that a "good leader" never gives away... namely vision... and abdicated my responsibility to lead. i guess you could say that my values were conflicting with my desires.

anyway... in the process of all that i decided to talk with a trusted friend about it... and in the course of our processing it together... realized that i, myself, hadn't been looking to G*D for his direction in choosing the agency. i had a preference... but didn't have a posture of listening to the King. so... my friend wisely reminded me that spiritual leadership is not getting people to do what you want them to do... but helping them lean on G*D and follow him as the leader of the cause. yes... there will be times when i will need to sound the trumpet and lead the charge. but more importantly... i must lead them to the real leader... and worship there at his feet next to them.

and since i had to admit that even though my preference for the agency seemed wise and good... and even though there's probably a ton of good agency choices... i, myself, still hadn't done the hard work of being still and listening.

so... i had to write a lengthy email to the team... and come clean... and re-direct them to a new process for decision making that still included the process of determining our selection criteria and all that... but which now included a sense of G*D in the middle of it all... and more actively engaged in our decision.

the cool thing is how all this so neatly fits with the other leadership learnings of late... that leadership... at least in the church... is more about guiding people to engage G*D fully in every space they inhabit... than it is about people doing what we want them to do.

i don't so much care if i look behind me and no one is following... ...as long as they're next to me on their knees.

lord... help me to lead like that all the time. and thanks for good friends.

o..oh...

i was running my 10 mile this morning, and about half way through... my left foot started aching.

i kept going... but before long it was too painful to keep running.  i walked for a mile or two... periodically trying to run a bit to see if that would work it out.  eventually it started feeling a bit better and i was able to do a kind of glide run and make it home okay.

but once i was home and relaxed a bit... the pain returned.  so i limped around all day.

my biggest run (20) is coming up on monday... but it looks doubtful i'll be able to do it with the kind of pain i'm experiencing.

i went online tonight to some running sights to see if they could help me figure out what was going on.  and the unofficial online diagnosis is that it's a strain at best... and a stress fracture at worst.  most conclude i need to see a doc for a bone scan to see if there's a fracture.

most indicated that it could heal within a few weeks of rest.  they were also encouraging that because a major part of my training is over... i might actually be able to do the marathon in late october without any problem. 

sooooooo... since it's friday night... i'll rest it for a day or two to see how it feels... but if it's not better by monday... off to the doc i'll go.

bummer

what do you think?

so anyway... back to leading with a different focus...

what if instead of me organizing a bunch of events and activities... trying to sell people on getting involved in the things i want them to do...

what if instead of me using the tithes and offerings the people give the church in order for me to use...

what if i encourage them to seek G*D and dream and watch and look around them for G*D's movement in and around them? what if i ask them to formulate a plan and explore who around them would help them out? what if i asked them to put together a budget for their activity or event or experience... and submit the whole thing to me by december 1st?

what if i then joined them in prayer about these plans... asking G*D to reveal to us which would be the most important in His eyes for us to do this year?

then... what if i distributed my portion of the projected budget to these new dynamic leaders... and supported them with my energy and prayers and encouragement?

wouldn't that have the potential to teach them to seek G*D... look around themselves at the needs and issues they collide with everyday... talk with their friends and consider how together they might make a difference?

so... am i crazy?

lessons from a wounded friend...

a good friend of mine recently took an injury while having some fun. which got me thinking. because i realized the other day that i treated him just a bit differently because of the injury. i was a bit more sensitive... looked out for his best interests more... tried to be more intentionally helpful.

i guess those are normal things to do for a friend.

so... while i was running my 14 yesterday... i got to thinking about the reality that we all get injured sometimes. sometimes it's physical... at other times emotional... or mental... or even a spiritual hit. sometimes we just get weary. and i got to thinking about how most of us are trained not to be weak. you gotta stay strong!

warriors who fight independently aren't allowed to appear weak in any way. weakness would be deadly. so... even when they are injured... they must muster the energy to fight as if nothing is wrong. and when you're fighting for your life... that's pretty important, i guess.

but... maybe that's yet another indicator of the danger of living as a lone warrior.

in the pack... your friends look out for you. they cover for you. they let you be weak... to heal... to catch your breath. and they're there for you when you take your own hit. because... it's only a matter of time.

it's a normal part of life that we like to pretend doesn't exist... or that we can get through on our own.

so... this friend's wound is helping me re-engage the concept of praying for others. not that i don't do that. it's just... i haven't been all that intentional about looking after my friends in that way. and i never want them (or me) to be alone in the battle.

a subtle shift...

continuation from yesterday...

in the process of thinking through what the journey area will look like this year... i was tempted to get out my calendar and do the normal "fill it up" thing.

classes on these dates... connection events on these... mission trip to uganda around this time of year... hmmm... what can i do to get people into small groups or make more small groups? oh! can't forget the lady who spoke me about doing a women's ministry. a good ladies speaker could help get the thing off the ground. let's see... let's do that just before...

but i've been realizing how much of these ideas revolve around two things...

.. pulling people out of their current contexts... and plugging them into new venues of relationships.

.. selling people on ideas for what they should be doing with their time.

for years i've said... that's why i'm the leader. G*D has called me to direct them into new ways of thinking and living... as christians. that's what the gift of leadership is all about... right?

what if church leadership is to be much more about challenging people to engage and follow G*D, engage others... and dream... rather than about getting people to follow us?

what if the trap is that we leaders keep thinking that we're the ones they need to follow... because we've been appointed as leaders? but what if we're to be the kind of leaders who don't ask people to follow us so much... but G*D. sometimes it kind of feels like we've bought into the Pastor as King model. G*D never wanted his people to follow a King for the simple reason he knew it indicated they wouldn't follow Him directly anymore.

of course... all good leaders want to help people follow Jesus. or so we say. but do my actions agree? what does my philosophy & strategy of ministry suggest? what does the way we do weekends suggest? what does the church structure suggest?

some good questions for me to wrestle with... stay tuned.

been thinking...

lots of wrestling with what the "journey" area at westwinds will look like for the future. much of it comes from an unsettled feeling that churches in general do too much to create church dependent... leadership dependent... clones rather than imaginative radical Christ-followers.

the church in america has often focused upon event and/or programmatic formation strategies rather than really showing people how to follow G*D... and take responsibility for their lives... and for the things G*D is asking them to do. i've been just as guilty of this as the next pastor. but as i've aged... i've grown less willing to be the christian event planner and social coordinator or program director... even though i've thoroughly enjoyed those roles in the past and the real connections they've created for some.

but... i've been asking G*D to help me know how to shift things to more of a culture where people themselves learn and are challenged to engage G*D and His movement in and around them.

yes... programs, small group ministry & events will always have their place and can be extremely useful in training someone... or in giving them a snapshot of what it looks like to become involved in some aspect of faith living. but it just seems like we tend to be more about training people for church program involvement as the "end"... ...more than equipping people to be so radically dependent upon G*D that they become aware of and engage the people, needs, and opportunities that currently surround them. whether inside or outside the context of christian community... i long for people to engage the soul movement within their own heart... and the movement of G*D they may have not noticed in the spaces in which He's already placed them.

sometimes... maybe far too often... i fear we actually pull people away from the work G*D is grooming them for... and instead... shift them to a Christian subculture where they can more easily ignore the very lives, needs or issues God wants them to impact. yet... we feel okay about that because it keeps the church machine going... especially if that machine appears to be reaching people. but shouldn't my intention be to create an environment where people are chasing their dreams rather than jumping into my program? (i know this is not really an either/or thing... but i'm reacting to a prevalent imbalance i see these days.)

so... you hear people who plan to go to bible college or seminary... or to head to the mission field... because they want to do something meaningful with their lives... they want to get into real ministry... they feel a calling to "full-time" ministry.

but why do they think this? maybe because they've come to understand real ministry as something separate from everyday life... separate from their current context... separate from the current needs that surround them.

sooooo... i'm coming up with a plan... not for a new program... but for creating an environment. i'm asking G*D to wean our people off of christendom... and take us back to following Christ. each of us... all of us.

curious? well, it's a work in progress. maybe you can give some input along the way. but this post is already way too long... so, check back tomorrow.

yes... i'll have a...

i've been thinking a lot lately about the tendency for churches to feel like machines... or malls... or theme parks... or starbucks. i personally enjoy all the above... and i'm oh so glad many churches no longer feel like museums or funeral homes... but when it comes to being part of a church... i think i long for something different... for something that almost can't be manufactured.

as i've been trying to put my finger on what exactly it is that bothers me... ...something i've been doing for quite a few years, by the way... ...some new questions have surfaced in my mind.

could it be that the church all too often places the Great Commission above the Great Commandments? could it be that even though "purpose-driven" helps give direction to otherwise aimless lives... it also subtly encourages people to think of others through a "purpose" lens before they engage them with flat out love?

how many times have i attempted to love someone "so that"... rather than... "just because"?

and when churches develop carefully detailed and function oriented constructs for people to engage one another... i wonder if all too often people just get lost in the construction... and so they sooner or later come to this realization that it wasn't so much love that they experienced... but rather... good strategy... salesmanship... or technique.

but... we keep feeling okay to continue going the same direction... because we hope that at some point along the way they'll connect to Jesus... and all that really counts is that our mission is accomplished... and they come to know Jesus. we justify elevating the Great Commission above all because... well... frankly... just loving someone doesn't get them a ticket to heaven.

i'm not sure i like what these questions suggest about my own life and past and tendencies. but i will admit that lately G*D seems to be challenging me with the reality of my own lack of love for others... and how easily what feels like genuine love can actually be pretty ugly... or at least twisted.

and i sense that maybe here at westwinds... i just might have the opportunity to help the church taste a bit more like love... than Best Buy.

one thing i do know... the change has to begin with and inside me.

thanks be to G*D that he loves us first... and at our worst... just because.

busy weekend...

i did a training on saturday morning regarding the subtle shift i'm making in the way we think about connecting at westwinds. good turn-out... and it went well. i'll probably post about that later.

then... just before saturday night fusion... i met with a lady facing an extremely confusing time.

and between all this i shopped for a replacement phone for jenn.  she dropped it in the toilet as msu!

then tons of people showed up for fusion on sunday. it was kind of crazy... in the auditorium and in the kids area. crazy...

then ben and i did a bbq after fusion for college age people to see how much interest there might be there. we had 50+ show up... and a lot of others who said they're coming next weekend when we do it at my house.

these are the weekends that help me remember why i love my job.

i love helping people connect to G*D and to each other. i love challenging people to think differently and engage the gentle tugs they sense deep within... the questions that roll across their minds over and over again.

and it's a lot easier to do that from an engaged heart. in fact... i'm not sure i can do it any other way.

I am the Vine, you are the branches. When you're joined with me and I with you, the relation intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be abundant. Separated, you can't produce a thing.  John 15:5

...well... it's my day off... ...and eighteen mile run day.  yikes!

plan in motion...

okay... so here's the plan...

since jenn left her beloved "mutt" at home... all alone...  we've concocted a brilliant scheme to give her a good laugh.  so... i've constructed a myspace just for "mutt" and am in the process of getting lots of people to become "friends". 

the plan is to eventually invite jenn... who will no doubt be a little shocked to find out that her muttie is so popular... and getting along just fine without her.

so... if you have a myspace... or even if you don't... you can click and check out mutt's space.  and if you are a myspace member... be sure to add him as your friend... and leave a comment.

and if you're in the neighborhood and you'd like to have a pic taken with mutt... just stop over!

got it?  remember... let's keep this a secret from jenn for a bit.