before i could begin wrestling with the tag-team of "to what degree does G*D interact with humanity?" and "what should & shouldn't i trust G*D to do?"... in order to be a man of integrity, i had to spelunk into the possibilities of a godless world.
so i put on my miner's cap and pulled out my gear... and went underground.
on the 'thumbs-up' side for there being no G*D... i didn't have to look far. it was easy to saturate my mind with the cruelties of life and conclude that we must be alone in this thing.
but that perspective quickly led me back to the bigger "if that's true, then". that being... if there is no G*D, then everything is absurd.
i'm no philosopher, but my mind has a natural bent that way. my readings in francis schaeffer laid a good foundation years ago in the days shortly after i left my boat & nets to follow Jesus. those were days when i wrestled deeply with the question of G*D's existence. but in the end... francis forced me to face that if there was no G*D, there was no meaning... except maybe what i make of it. but if the only meaning in life is what i add to a meaningless world... i don't have meaning, but rather i'm stuck with the illusion of meaning.
it's a possibility i guess, but not one that i want to engage.
the other option would be that there is an unknowable god. but that option concludes 'my christian experience' only racked up credits for me to get a diploma from 'camp bogus'. as painful as that option would be... for the sake of integrity, i had to allow myself to consider it as a possibility.
what's ironic is that the surplus of religions and the seeming infinite flavors of christianity almost gave credence to agnosticism. and my personal struggles with my own faith... as well as the blatant absurdities in american christianity, only made the thought that 'somehow i got it all wrong' even more plausable.
on the other hand... i realized that the existence of inconsistencies and varying religious opinions didn't disprove Jesus. they could just as easily be the result of us humans attempting to understand something that is beyond our total comprehension... that G*D & truth are both knowable, yet always beyond us.
and... understanding that we can only know something partly doesn't necessarily discredit the part we know. it simply means there's more to know.
so in that sense, it's kind of guaranteed that we're going to fall short at some level when trying to put a box around G*D. (which ironically helps me engage the need for revelation, that is... science, reason, scripture and Jesus... because without them we're completely left to our own experience and speculations. it seems likely that a G*D who cares about anything would want to reveal himself to us in tangible ways. it doesn't make sense to me why he'd want to play hide and seek with us.)
those last thoughts are more current conclusions. i didn't see them at the time.
i hadn't yet reached the bottom of the cavern.
my head hurts
Posted by: JVo | March 07, 2008 at 10:20 AM
I am with JVo, headache. Awaking each day I am happy when I can figure out what day it is without looking at my watch, which I have to do at least two days a week. It is interesting to read your thoughts, Randy, but it is a book I would prefer to read the last chapter first.
Posted by: Rick Lingenfelter | March 08, 2008 at 05:08 PM