fogparty

scent One...

G*D has been inviting me to a travelogue on my journey through the last year or two.  those invitations come in the form of some interesting opportunities to tell my story.  one that is fast approaching... tomorrow night! 

the fact that i'm blogging rather than preparing what i'm going to say is one of many indications that i'm resisting.

it's one thing to type my thoughts onto a computer screen and press the 'publish' button.  it's quite another to be a museum painting watching the eyes of those who stare at my canvas.

but larger than that.  there's a curious hesitation... and maybe even a subtle fear.

if you haven't noticed, i tend to pour a lot into what i write.  the words come from places deep within.  people have asked if i've gone back and read my own writings... and give me funny looks when i say i never have.

i guess i like to live in the now.  or maybe it's more about not wanting to go back.

maybe i'm concerned i'll discover huge flaws... stupidity... or arrogance in what i've written. 

asking myself to lie down on the couch for a 50-minute session with myself is a bit unnerving... and sounds a little weird.  maybe i wonder if i'll over-analyze my words and become so horrified with myself that i'll find it difficult to blog any further. 

maybe i'm afraid the pain will jump out of the forgotten sentences & grab my heart at a time when things feel like 'normal' is just around the corner.  i like those nightmares right where they are... neatly folded and tucked into my dresser drawer... slowly absorbing the scent of soap from the last hotel we visited.

early this morning as i began this post... contemplating the thought of re-engaging my pain, i was intriqued by the reality that Jesus regularly invites me back to his horror... to open his dresser drawer and re-discover the raw pain driven deep into his heart through hours and days and centuries of rejection & mistrust.

we call it 'communion'... 'eucharist'... 'the supper of the lord'.

how strange that something so grotesque becomes comforting and healing to those who dare to embrace it... and allow it to embrace them.  there... i'm washed in ways that renew my senses and remove the grime that has encased my soul.  through staring into his pain i am strangely restored.

but beyond the pain... there's something even deeper that i'm meant to discover while i experience the bloody metaphors resting briefly on my tongue.  the images of torture mix with the sweetness of the elements and... if i engage it... hint at the joy that is mine to uncover inside the pain.

joy.

the joy of his love for me.  a joy that drove him to an eternal willingness to do everything necessary to let me know that i am not alone in whatever slices my heart.  a joy that neither erases nor diminishes the very real pain of life... but rather overwhelms it.  the joy of anticipation... that one day things will be made right again... and that the process has already begun.  the joy of knowing The-One-Who-Understands... The-One-Who-Heals... The-One-Who-Restores... The-One-Who-Promises.

so... maybe as i re-engage my own story... i'll meet a Fellow Traveler who will re-tell my own story in ways i've yet to read.

and maybe those who listen in will find strength to tickle their own dresser drawer handles and discover that what lies within is becoming laced with the familiar smell of An-Old-Friend.

a day is coming.

enjoyable...

recently i took a break from reading several other books to pick up 'the shack'.  it's a quick read. 

a couple people mentioned it... then someone gave a copy to my son... and at least 2 friends are buying every copy they can and giving them away.  so i thought i'd check into the fuss.

i don't read fiction much... so i can't really comment on it's quality.  i can only speak out of my personal experience with the book.

so... ...for what it's worth.  i liked it.

i can't say that it was hugely transformational for me... and yet i can imagine G*D using it in the lives of others in big ways.

the story is sure to create dialogue... although some will no doubt criticize it for several reasons.  and some have already cast it into heresy pile. 

i wouldn't put it there.

fictional stories that attempt to recast our images of G*D are sure to disappoint, anger or both.  we like to hang on to our images.  they make us feel safe.  we like to squeeze them through our collander of scriptural interpretation.  it makes us feel in control. 

i'm not saying we shouldn't be critical.  i'm just saying that most of us could stand to lighten up a bit.  maybe even trust G*D to reveal himself through less than perfect means.  seems like he's been doing that for quite sometime now.

but if you're the sort who likes to paint god with a uni-brow and laughing as he tosses souls into eternity.  don't bother.  you won't like it.

most of us... however... could use a little re-adjustment... seeing the old scriptures in new ways.

and if you're willing... this book can help you.

hmmmmm...

joejoe and i were talking in the kitchen the other night...  discussing the importance of reading the scriptures critically and formatively... at the same time.  i.e... utilizing all the tools we've been given to understand the text and allowing The Counselor to shape us through the text.

it may sound like a simple discussion, but it isn't.. and wasn't.  and yet it was.

as is often the case in our conversations... we stumbled together over a fascinating curiosity... wrapped in a question.

"when we read the scriptures, what are we seeking? 
are we seeking to know truth?  or are we seeking to know G*D?"

i always know when we've stumbled over a "good" question because he starts to salivate and his eyes turn a bit glassy. 

"aren't they the same?  isn't G*D truth?"

"certainly G*D is truth.  but truth is not G*D."

as we talked more... i realized that most of my training has focused on discovering truth.

...the truth about life
...the truth about myself
...the truth about death
...the truth about G*D
...or even the truth about what the writer meant for us to understand
...or the truth about why that particular verse or story was included in the text

but i wondered if that was how people read it before "the enlightenment".

don't through me under that postmodern bus just yet.  hear me out.

don't hear me saying that we can't know truth... or that truth is not important... or that truth doesn't inform us and shape us and help us to know G*D.

my question is... when we come to the ancient texts... or when we come to a new day, for that matter... what if our starting point was to seek to know G*D rather than to know about G*D?

some might say, "yes, of course.  but how can you know G*D unless you first know something about him?"

and maybe there's a dog chasing its tail here.  but at the same time... it seems to me that there's a huge difference between seeking to know G*D through knowing truth and seeking to know truth through knowing G*D.

is scripture the revelation of truth about G*D... or the revelation of G*D?

"both", you might say.

all i know... is that in the end, i want my kids (and everyone else for that matter) to know G*D... more than possess a knowledge of him... or self-discipline... ...more than learning contentment... or leadership & life principles... ...more than anything else that life has to offer.

some climb a tree as a scientist.  some as a philosopher.  some as an artist.  some as a kid.  some as a theologian.

lord... may i climb it as all these things... 

...but may i never climb it alone.