there will not be a test to see which of you reads my blog... or the longer posts. (and this is a long one!) like i've said before... these are more my own journal thoughts than anything else.
in my "sketching Jesus" post... which was a continuation of my "luke four-ensics" post... i doodled my reflections from luke chapter four where luke billboards our eyes to a Jesus who is exploding into his full identity. at least that's what i think is one of the big things going on in the text. of course, you might have concluded long ago that i've got way too much time on my hands these days.
why is it valuable for us to grasp that Jesus grew into and ultimately chose his destiny?
well... to ice what some of my friends have suggested... i think watching The GODman develop on the canvas through the stories of scripture is important on several layers. partly because it helps us understand that Jesus truly does know what it feels like to be us... to chug the struggle of life.
luke's chapter four vignette tempts us to recognize that our fight, like Jesus', is the fight for LIFE built into the process of everyday growth. to embrace Jesus' formation taunts us to think carefully about our own... to consider our potential... to discard who we've thought we were or have been told we are or even have become convinced we are... and choose to embrace who we were created to be. it calls us to deny ourselves... and read the script G*D is handing us for the play that is about to begin. it woos us to sense that the curtain is rising... and to embrace our supporting roles in healing the world. it tempts us to live in the kingdom of G*D when everything around us shouts that we are serfs in a kingdom of another kind.
reading luke 4 and the stories that encase it, i can't help but contemplate what he might have experienced as he grew... as he entered the boxing ring each day.
how fascinating to consider that Jesus traveled the same paths as you and i... discovering what he was good at, and not so good at... feeling the nudges that gently shoved him toward bigger roles... and to eventually opening the invitation to headline in the biggest story of all time.
i contemplate a pre-teen Jesus... becoming more & more sensitive to the inertia & stench of lives rotting from years of disconnection from The Giver of LIFE...wondering how he might help to reverse it all.
i'm dazed at the thought of a pubescent Jesus... juggling all the new developments in his brain & body while sniffing the reality that he's different somehow from all the other guys.
did he lie awake at night... sometimes afraid... sometimes restless with ideas to address the discord, bigotry & hatred that seemed to engulf his little community? did he wrestle at times... wanting simply to settle down in a nice carpentry job, find a little house and raise a family in the suburbs of Nazareth... arguing that he wasn't cut out to save the world? did the immense depravity that surrounded him ever cause him to lose hope and fear that the grip of humanity was too strong to be loosened?
did he struggle over the absurdity that oozed from the common stupidity of mankind? or was there a smile ever errupting beneath his joy soaked skin... saturated with the awareness of his D*D's fingerprints that covered everything & everyone he encountered?
did he wince at the cruelty of nature that seemed to pounce upon the unsuspecting, like a giant whip, lashing cataclysmic despair and agony?
and how did his love for G*D grow? was it always strong... or did it feel like a distant memory that surprised his heart when he walked the beach in the early sunlight on his way for a little fishing? did his own mind fight the questions of eternity... and struggle for words to offer his cynical friends as they sat in synagogue and mocked the stories of samson, joseph, noah & gideon?
how did he connect the dots that led him to full awareness of his identity? is it conceivable that Jesus spent weeks, maybe years putting pieces together that subtly pointed to clues deeply embedded in his heart that overtime matched the scriptures read to him as a child?
scenarios i'll never know the answers to... but ones that help me to appreciate a developing Jesus.
speaking from my own life sketches... on a very different level than his... every one of those nudges, hints & clues has felt like a fork in the road experience. and i can't imagine it feeling any differently for him.
as Jesus' life modeled for us, these questions always cohabit with door handles... and vice versa. one always leading to the other. the other always leading to the one. a long hard journey taken one step at a time, with each step possessing the potential to be the first and the last.
why is it important for us to see Jesus as fully man and not just G*D shrouded with an earth-suit?
his human journey informs my journey.
even now... as i face yet another round of treatment and some major changes... i'm hit with the prospect that i must re-invent myself for this next phase of life. the trickster tempts me to turn inward... to rest from the dance... to stare at the clock striking midnight. at times his words are so very enticing.
like an aging dancer... or painter losing his eyesight, the parts i've played so comfortably don't seem to be magically appearing before my feet as they've done so many times before. and our culture's infatuation with youthfulness only makes the hill ahead appear steeper.
there's much to slow me down... lies that tempt me to surrender to a lesser call and ignore any recognition that this time & place is just as good and valid as any other point in my history.
what could i do that could compare with what i've done? a foolish question to be sure.
in my saner moments, i realize that it's less about me figuring it all out, as much as it is about me reading the many signals he's freshly stamping upon my life... listening for that familiar Voice... pushing aside distractions of pride, slothfulness, lust, envy, self-preservation... and then stepping up to the plate.
for me... that's what these weeks are about more than "treatment" or even "surviving" another round in the ring...
...more than "renovation", "recalibration" or "rebirth". more than getting back to something...
...they're about being with Someone.
in reality... that's what they've always been about.
listening... humbling myself... so that i can become whomever he wants me to be right now... this very moment... whether there are more moments to come or not. "now" is all that matters in the kingdom of LIFE.
these days aren't about finding the role. they are about following cues from The Director.
they're about transition to something new.
they're about birth.
they're not about a remake or revision of an earlier role... a re-made me.
they're about becoming someone new.
the questions satan asked Jesus in the wilderness were not just his questions. they hint at the same questions that tempt us all at those fork-in-the-road times in our lives. and luke wanted us to be assured that Jesus knows what they feel like. he understands how they play in our minds.
and that we don't have to be alone in it all. Immanuel is still with us. here to guide... direct... comfort... cuddle... encourage... challenge... and forgive.
that is, if we let him.
if i let him.
That was long.
Paragraph 7, in between the first "..." and second "..." ...what was Jesus not good at? =-)
Posted by: Rick Lingenfelter | May 28, 2008 at 03:29 PM
probably a lot of the same things you're not good at. :-0
you're not suggesting that Jesus was perfect at doing everything are you?
Posted by: randy | May 28, 2008 at 11:02 PM
Working from my vantage point of hindsight, I just can't imagine Jesus being the last one picked to be on a team based on a lack of ability. I also can't imagine Him raising His hand in class and giving the wrong answer. Although in Mel Gibson's Passion I think I remember He made a chair too short/table too tall.
Look, I realize I am in over my head. You write at a graduate degree level and I comprehend at a 5th (maybe 4th) grade level. But I have a character defect that does not allow me to go more than one or two posts without commenting and this is all I could come up with.
Posted by: Rick Lingenfelter | May 28, 2008 at 11:48 PM
hi Randy,
ok, i'm going to B serious for a second or two.
There has been a lot goingon oin our (mine & Joe's) life and somehow G*D led me this morning to your blog.....Thank You Randy for being so faithful and for helping me to be faithfu!
i hope the treatments are going well....
praying (thinking) about you.
love ya lots~~~~~~~rosann
Posted by: rosann | June 01, 2008 at 08:01 AM
if this moment is all that matters, then rest assured that God is doing cool things with you Randy.
Cuzz in this moment I feel renewed and ready to once again mirror Him... even though the knowledge of all my past failures threatens to defeat me before I even start. knowing Jesus has my back and understands quiets those temptations. These are thoughts I wasn't thinking a few moments ago, and God used you to bring them to me. Thanks.
Posted by: Tim Maynard | June 03, 2008 at 05:02 PM