that wasn't who i am...

joe & i were talking the other morning about some guy who wrote a book, then later regretted writing it because he no longer believed what he'd written.

ouch!  it's a risky thing to etch your thoughts into concrete.

but then we got to thinking.  are we really that different from that guy?  don't we all to some degree or another look back at what we've thought or said or done with a certain level of horror?

so... with that in mind... our conversation carried us to wondering how things would be so much different if we wrote... or performed... or spoke... or lived (or read, watched & listened) factoring in that reality.  we dreamt together about how formational environments would change, if we became teachers & students with different expectations... with an altered awareness.

i mean.  usually when you write or deliver a message, you attempt to get everything right.  you want people to walk away convinced that what you put out to them was top stuff... on the mark.  of course, you acknowledge that you don't know everything about everything... but still you try to be fresh & thorough with your conclusions and hope that you've gotten most things right.

but one delusion of the modern era seems to have resulted in a christian culture that expects its preachers and teachers and writers and scholars to get everything right.  we expect to hear 'the' correct take on that verse or passage.  we want to hear 'the' authoritative conclusion about the scriptures.  after all... aren't we paying them to get it right?  and if we don't like or agree with what we hear... we simply drive across town to sit at the feet of someone who thinks like we do... ...or we start a new church. 

we end up creating gatherings of agreement... rather than communities of engagement and transformation.

unfortunately, many ministers have caved to the pressure.  (myself included, way too often)

but like that guy joe & i were talking about... the reality is that even though hindsight may not be exactly 20/20, still it tends to at least to see things differently... and usually more sharply.  age, experience, & the wisdom of community all season our understandings.  that doesn't necessarily mean our earlier conclusions were completely inaccurate.  but at the very least, it means our thoughts were truncated at the time we chose to express them. 

for awhile at northwoods & again at westwinds, i hung one of my favorite c.s. lewis/chronicles of narnia (prince caspian) quotes on the door of my office.  (the movie misquotes it, by the way)  i did it to remind myself that i will ever be in process... because that's just too easy for me to forget.  the quote is taken from the part of the book when lucy comments to aslan that he's grown bigger since she last saw him. but aslan corrects her and says, "i have not.  but every year you grow, you will find me bigger."

fascinating.

so... what if we embraced that reality?

what if i wrote & spoke & taught (especially about G*D) with a more conscious awareness that even with my most diligent research & prayer... my conclusions would ever be marred... or more accurately, developing?

and what if when i read a book, or listened to a message, or experienced a play... instead of watching with right/wrong, good/bad glasses over my eyes... what if i gave space in my thinking for the 'before & after' journey of the actor, writer, or teacher? 

and what if i grabbed hold of the reality of my own journey as well?  ...ever acknowledging that whatever i am experiencing at the time is interestingly contributing somehow to my ever unfinished finish?

wouldn't we find ourselves dialoguing rather than marking our scorecards?  wouldn't teachers encourage their listeners to think thoughts that beg for clarification... and promote development rather than create an educational system that gives "a"s to students who regurgitate their professor's conclusions?

synagogue life often was about dialogue & debate.  the thought of being right was secondary to the process of communally engaging the collision of life & the scriptures for the purpose of personal and consensual transformation.

when's the last time you were part of a church that intentionally created space for hatching & "adolesc-ing" followers to stimulate their growth plates by questioning the ramblings of the resident theologian?  when's the last time you heard of a university professor who graded her students based upon their vigorous interaction with the ideologies of the tenured lecturer?  when's the last time you attended a play and were invited to stick around afterwards for a discussion that encouraged the intersection of the audience's multi-layered responses with the various actor's interpretations of their roles?

it's what most teachers, writers, actors, musicians, painters, & speakers ultimately hope for, no doubt... ...to trigger the disorientation... ...to goad the tapestry.  but how seldom do we create space for it to flourish?

is it because we have lost the skill of dialogue?  or are we just too busy?  have we become so arrogant that we truly think our conclusions are that infallible?  are we fearful that someone less-experienced or poorly-trained may shed some light that exposes our humanity?  have we forgotten how to delight in the wonder of serendipitous transformation?  have we become fearful of the rejection of those who expect us to have it all figured out?  have we so personalized our thoughts that they have become more god to us than the G*D who through them we squint to see?

i fear that too many of our sunday services have become seminars that unconsciously exalt professionals who tell us what to think or do... or worse yet, just keep us coming back.  and in the process... we stop thinking... and the value of relationship is diminished.  and we do it all in the name of giftedness.  "he has 'the gift' and i don't"... forgetting that lecture is simply one wrench in the community's toolbox of edification.

but in spite of the reality that many have a much higher i.q. than i... i'm thankful that "influence" is not relegated to the experts... at least not in G*D's economy.  rather, it's an important part of the imago dei-ness that G*D bestows on us all. 

the one thing that we all do is influence... whether by our interaction or by our silence & absence.

so... what have you been thinking lately?  and who are you thinking it with?  and how are your interactions influencing what you think?  and how are you creating better thinkers in those with whom you connect?  and who are you avoiding and how is that vacuum diminishing your formation?  and what are you afraid to say?

love isn't having to be right.  love learns to show respect to a person and their journey toward conclusions, while at times challenging those conclusions.  love honors the transmogrification process in us all... and humbly admits there may be many factors that will influence our current position.

one, of which, may be the next person who crosses your path today.  or maybe you'll be their's.  or you might be that for each other.

how many "kaleisions" (a kaleidoscopic collision) will you experience today?  i guess the answer is really up to each of us individually.

and when we invite G*D into each moment... doesn't it all become one big kaleision anyway?

Comments

[Tim Maynard]

wow

I'll be reading this a few times, so much awesome in one post.

Thanks for writing all this down, I feel like it's a real gift.

[Tim Maynard]

Westwinds is kind of a synagoguey(yes I made that word up) community. I love it and I hate it. This post helps me to love and appreciate it more.

[justin]

YES! The church is to be a place of worship. and learning.
but lessons are not always cut and dry. there are some things that cannot be answered in absolutes, but so often we attempt to.

i hope that more of this way of thinking emerges from our current church culture. we are not to be mindless absorbers of sermons. dive into the meaning so much deeper than the words on the page...

[JVo]

Good stuff. You're right. Or, maybe not. I can't really tell. I have to wait a few years and read it again to see if I still agree.

[Rick Lingenfelter]

I am slightly late to the comment section, but let me say you are absolutely 100% correct for now. Before I follow you to the compound in Texas however, let me share this.

A few years ago my wife's 26 year old cousin was in the final months of her phd. She was spending the majority of her time working closely with UofF professors, all phd's themselves. She made the comment that when she and her fiance were with friends that he was to always pay close attention during conversation and stop her when she started to make things up and present them as fact. She felt that was a common trait shared by many wearing phd creds. Her sitation is completely secular, but there is a risk that the same thing happens within the church.

[joe neill]

great thoughts man. I am glad to be a part of the conversation.